7.09.2010

Kicks and giggles

Tom Swifties

  • “I dropped my toothpaste,” Tom said, crestfallen.
  • “Only one of my speakers works!” Tom said, monotonously.
  • “I have a split personality,” Tom said, being frank.
  • “My wrists are bleeding stumps,” Tom said offhandedly.
  • “The doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium,” Tom said halfheartedly.
  • “That is one ugly hippopotamus,” Tom said hypocritically.
  • “This is what happens when you mix an acid and a base,” Tom said neutrally.
  • “..—-..-….” said Tom, remorsefully.
  • “A word that contains all five vowels? And I suppose you want those vowels to appear in alphabetical order?” asked Tom facetiously.
  • “I am standing up”, Tom lied.
  • “I think I’m a homosexual”, Tom said, half in earnest.
  • “Someone stole all the twos from this deck of cards,” Tom deduced.
  • “I knocked down the rest of the pins on my second try,” Tom said sparingly.
  • “I’m going to sleep over there,” Tom lied.
  • “I disagree. Fences need to be secured to something every fifteen feet or so, check out my website for an example,” Tom posted.
  • “I really want to hear ‘It’s Not Unusual’ right now,” Tom jonesed.
  • “That show would be a lot better without Ross’s sister,” said Tom, demonically.\
  • “I feel like having sex for money,” Tom said horribly.
  • “I forgot to mark down which groceries to buy,” Tom said listlessly.
  • “I used to be Elvis, you know,” said Tom, expressly.
  • “Bingo!” Tom cried benignly.
  • “I think all I need is some condiments to make the perfect hotdog” Tom said with some relish
  • “For the first time in your life, I feel really clean”, Tom said zestfully
  • “I have a candy bar” Tom snickered.
  • “This isn’t my prime rib,” Tom said mistakenly.
  • “Sea World wasn’t the same without them,” Tom sighed purposelessly.
  • “I’m missing of my flowers!” claimed Jane lackadaisically
  • “Bring me a large serving of frozen dairy desert!” I screamed.
  • “3.142,” Tom said piously.
  • “Here’s looking at you,” I bawled.
  • “Merry-go-rounds make me sick!” said Tom, in a roundabout manner
  • The train derailed said Tom distractedly.
  • “But I’m sure I left it on the kitchen work surface” countered Tom.
  • “I just punched Mel Gibson in the face!” Tom said starstruck.
  • ”Guilty as charged!” Tom said with conviction.
  • “Tuna is 50 cents a pound” said Tom selfishly.
  • “I am passing a kidney stone.” Tom said painfully.
  • “I want a hot dog,” said Tom, frankly.
  • “It’s hard to think up puns,” Tom said thoughtfully.
  • “This food has no flavor!” Tom said, with distaste
  • “Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.
  • “I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.
  • “They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” Tom said defeatedly.

2 comments:

Tyler said...

Did you come up with these?

Johonn said...

Haha nope, I'm not as witty as all that... Nor do I have that kind of time :P

Post a Comment