Kicks and giggles

Tom Swifties

  • “I dropped my toothpaste,” Tom said, crestfallen.
  • “Only one of my speakers works!” Tom said, monotonously.
  • “I have a split personality,” Tom said, being frank.
  • “My wrists are bleeding stumps,” Tom said offhandedly.
  • “The doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium,” Tom said halfheartedly.
  • “That is one ugly hippopotamus,” Tom said hypocritically.
  • “This is what happens when you mix an acid and a base,” Tom said neutrally.
  • “..—-..-….” said Tom, remorsefully.
  • “A word that contains all five vowels? And I suppose you want those vowels to appear in alphabetical order?” asked Tom facetiously.
  • “I am standing up”, Tom lied.
  • “I think I’m a homosexual”, Tom said, half in earnest.
  • “Someone stole all the twos from this deck of cards,” Tom deduced.
  • “I knocked down the rest of the pins on my second try,” Tom said sparingly.
  • “I’m going to sleep over there,” Tom lied.
  • “I disagree. Fences need to be secured to something every fifteen feet or so, check out my website for an example,” Tom posted.
  • “I really want to hear ‘It’s Not Unusual’ right now,” Tom jonesed.
  • “That show would be a lot better without Ross’s sister,” said Tom, demonically.\
  • “I feel like having sex for money,” Tom said horribly.
  • “I forgot to mark down which groceries to buy,” Tom said listlessly.
  • “I used to be Elvis, you know,” said Tom, expressly.
  • “Bingo!” Tom cried benignly.
  • “I think all I need is some condiments to make the perfect hotdog” Tom said with some relish
  • “For the first time in your life, I feel really clean”, Tom said zestfully
  • “I have a candy bar” Tom snickered.
  • “This isn’t my prime rib,” Tom said mistakenly.
  • “Sea World wasn’t the same without them,” Tom sighed purposelessly.
  • “I’m missing of my flowers!” claimed Jane lackadaisically
  • “Bring me a large serving of frozen dairy desert!” I screamed.
  • “3.142,” Tom said piously.
  • “Here’s looking at you,” I bawled.
  • “Merry-go-rounds make me sick!” said Tom, in a roundabout manner
  • The train derailed said Tom distractedly.
  • “But I’m sure I left it on the kitchen work surface” countered Tom.
  • “I just punched Mel Gibson in the face!” Tom said starstruck.
  • ”Guilty as charged!” Tom said with conviction.
  • “Tuna is 50 cents a pound” said Tom selfishly.
  • “I am passing a kidney stone.” Tom said painfully.
  • “I want a hot dog,” said Tom, frankly.
  • “It’s hard to think up puns,” Tom said thoughtfully.
  • “This food has no flavor!” Tom said, with distaste
  • “Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.
  • “I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.
  • “They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” Tom said defeatedly.


Tyler said...

Did you come up with these?

Johonn said...

Haha nope, I'm not as witty as all that... Nor do I have that kind of time :P

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